SMS Collection Part 2
☻Sweet as a rose bud bright as a star cute as a kitten thats what u are.bundles of joy sunshine and fun you are everything i luv all rolled into 1
☻I have liked many but loved very few.yet no-one has been as sweet as u.I'd stand and wait in the worlds longest queue.just for the pleasure of a moment with u.
☻A special smile a special face.a special someone i cant replace.i luv u i always will.uve filled a space no one can fill!
☻Girl ur clever girl ur smart.girl ur like a work of art.girl ur sexy girl ur fine.d only thing u aint is mine!
☻i luv ur eyes i luv ur smile.i cherish ur ways i adore ur style.Wot can i say?ur 1of a kind & 24/7 ur on my mind!
Double Meaning Messages
☻He took me from a bar. He took me in his car. He took my top off. He puts his lips on mine, but don't worry: I'm a bottle of wine!
☻Ques. What is the difference between a pregnant woman and a light bulb?
Ans. U can unscrew a light bulb.
Marriage Jokes
☻Marriage is not a word. It's a sentence....(a life sentence!).
☻Marriage is a 3-ring circus - engagement ring, wedding ring and Suffering.
☻A happy marriage is a matter of give and take; the husband gives and the wife takes.
☻A woman was telling her friend , "It was I who made my husband a millionaire."
"And what was he before you married him?" asked the friend.
The woman replied, " A multi-millionaire".
☻There was this woman who had an artist paint a portrait of her covered with the most amazingly beautiful and expensive jewels.
Her explanation - "If I die and my husband re-marries, I want his next wife to go crazy looking for the jewels."
☻Getting married is very much like going to a restaurant with friends. You order what you want, and when you see what the other fellow has, you wish you had ordered that.
☻Love is one long sweet dream, and marriage is the alarm clock.
☻Q: Why are husbands like lawn mowers?
A: They're hard to get started, emit foul odors, and don't work half the time!
☻Husband to wife: Why do you keep reading our marriage licence?
Wife to Husband: I'm looking for a loophole
☻The definition of a perfect Wife? - one who helps the husband with the dishes...
☻The Minister noticed the bride was in distress so asked what was wrong. She replied that she was awfully nervous and afraid she would not remember what to do. The Minister told her that she only needed to remember 3 things.
First the aisle, cos that is what you'll be walking down.
Secondly, the alter because that is where you will arrive.
Finally, remember hymn because that is a type of song we will sing during the service.
While the bride was walking in step with the wedding march, family and friends of the groom were horrified to hear her repeating these 3 words
...Aisle, alter hymn (I'll alter him)
☻Men are like chocolate bars.... sweet, smooth, and they usually head right for your hips.
☻A little kid asks his Dad, "Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?"
"No idea," replied the Father, "I'm still paying for it..."
☻There was this lover who said that he would go through hell for her. They got married - now he is going through Hell!!!
☻I've got a good friend who married a Doctor.
One day he told her: "You need to do something to spice up our love-making".
Soon thereafter, he came home and found her in bed with another man who is also an M.D.
"Why?" asked her husband. "You said I needed to do something to spice up our love-making;
I just wanted to get a Second Opinion", she replied...
☻Q: Why do brides wear white?
A: To blend in with everything else in the kitchen.
☻One day a man inserted an 'advert' in the local classifieds: "Wife wanted".
Next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: "You can have mine."
☻What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying? -
Well, it's the same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving
☻Marriage - an institution in which a man loses his Bachelor's Degree and the woman gets her Masters.
☻After a lengthy quarrel, a wife said to her husband, "You know, I was a fool when I married you."
The husband replied: "Yes, dear, but I was in love and didn't notice it."
☻I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury. - Groucho Marx
☻I've sometimes thought of marrying, and then I've thought again. - Noel Coward
☻Behind every great man there is a surprised woman. - Maryon Pearson
☻The most happy marriage I can imagine to myself would be the union of a deaf man to a blind woman. - S. T. Coleridge
☻A man is incomplete until he is married. After that, he is finished. - Zsa Zsa Gabor
☻A good marriage would be between a blind wife and a deaf husband. - Michel de Montaigne
☻Marriage changes passion ... suddenly you're in bed with a relative. - Unknown
☻Love is one long sweet dream, and marriage is the alarm clock.
☻Can you imagine a world without men? No crime and lots of happy, fat women. - Marion Smith
☻There's a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking. It's called marriage. - James Holt McGavran
☻The man who says his wife can't take a joke, forgets that she took him - Oscar Wilde
☻An archaeologist is the best husband a woman can have. The older she gets, the more interested he is in her. - Agatha Christie
☻Marriage is give and take. You'd better give it to her or she'll take it anyway. - Joey Adams
☻A husband's last words should always be 'OK buy it'.
☻They say marriages are made in Heaven. But so is thunder and lightning. - Clint Eastwood
☻There's only one way to have a happy marriage and as soon as I learn what it is I'll get married again. - Clint Eastwood
☻The most dangerous food a man can eat is wedding cake - Unknown.
☻A coward is a hero with a wife, kids, and a mortgage. - Marvin Kitman
☻Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who wants to live in an institution? - Groucho Marx
☻After marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin; they just can't face each other, but still they stay together. - Hemant Joshi
☻A man's wife has more power over him than the state has. - Ralph Waldo Emerson
☻The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret. - Henry Youngman
☻Give a man a free hand and he'll run it all over you. - Mae West
☻The trouble with some woman is that they get all excited about nothing, and then marry him - Cher
☻I never knew what real happiness was until I got married. And by then it was too late. - Max Kauffmann
☻I never married because I have three pets at home that answer the same purpose as a husband. I have a dog that growls every morning, a parrot that swears all afternoon and a cat that comes home late at night. - Marie Corelli
☻I require only three things of a man. He must be handsome, ruthless and stupid. - Dorothy Parker
☻When a man steals your wife there is no better revenge than to let him keep her. - Sacha Guitry
☻Keep your eyes wide open before marriage, and half-shut afterwards. - Benjamin Franklin
☻Many a man owes his success to his first wife and his second wife to his success. - Jim Backus
☻By all means marry; if you get a good wife, you'll be happy. If you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher. - Socrates
☻A husband is what is left of the lover after the nerve is extracted - Helen Rowland
☻Marriage has no guarantees. If that's what you're looking for, go live with a car battery. - Erma Bombeck
☻All tragedies are finished by a death, all comedies by a marriage. - Lord Byron
☻Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays. - Henry Youngman
☻Marriage is an adventure, like going to war. - G. K. Chesterton
☻My wife has a slight impediment in her speech. Every now and then she stops to breathe. - Jimmy Durante
☻I haven't spoken to my wife in years. I didn't want to interrupt her. - Rodney Dangerfield
☻I like to wake up each morning feeling a new man. - Jean Harlow
☻Marriage is like pi - natural, irrational, and very important. - Lisa Hoffman
☻To the bride and groom - may we all be invited to your golden wedding celebrations...
☻To the NewlyWeds: May 'for better or worse' be far better than worse.
☻To the 2 secrets of a long lasting and happy marriage
...Here's to good sense of humor and a short memory!
☻Grooms, once you marry, please remember that when you have a discussion with your future wife, always try to get the last two words in: "Yes dear"
☻You know, the trouble with being the best man at a wedding is that you never get to actually prove it.
☻May the best of your past be the worst of your future
☻Married life has many Ups and Downs...May most of yours be between the sheets!
☻May the joys you share today, be the beginning of a lifetime of great happiness and fulfilment
☻To our wives and lovers...may they never meet!
☻Congratulations on the termination of your isolation and may I express an appreciation of your determination to end the desperation and frustration which has caused you so much consternation in giving you the inspiration to make a combination to bring an accumulation to the population.
☻May you grow old on one pillow.
☻Dear [bride's name],
☻Isn't it quite funny how History repeats itself?
[Bride's Age] years ago your Mother and Father were putting you to bed with a dummy...and now it's happening all over again
☻I've known many,
Liked not a few,
Loved only one,
I toast to you
☻Here's to the bride - may she share everything with her husband...and that includes the housework.
☻To the Bride and Groom - may the roof above you never fall in and may you both never fall out
☻To the Bride and Groom - live life to the fullest and remember, this is the first day of the rest of your life...
☻To my wife...my bride...my joy
☻May your joys be as deep as the Ocean, and your troubles as light as its foam.
☻May we never forget what is worth remembering or remember what is best forgotten.
☻A thing of beauty is a joy forever. Here's to you, my beautiful bride.
☻May our children be blessed with rich parents
☻Here's to my bride: she knows everything about me, yet loves me just the same.
Story Messages
☻Jelly Baby goes 2 the Dr & says "Dr i've got aids" Dr replys "U cant have aids ur a jelly Baby" Jelly Baby says "yes but Dr i've been sleepin wiv ALLSORTS!
☻chicken and egg in bed,chicken has head on pillow smoking.Egg rolls over annoyed saying"i guess we answered that question"
☻A teacher ask"wot part of the body goes to heaven first?"A child replies"feet- coz every nite i c my mum with her feet in the air screamin GOD I'M COMIN!
☻Little Girl:"Mommy I just found out that the little boy next door has a penis like a peanut" Mommy:"u mean its small?"Little Girl:"No its salty"
☻an essex girl has a car crash and an ambulance arrives.the paramedic asks 'how many fingers have i got up?'the girl replies- oh no i think im paralised too.
Flirt Messages
☻Handsome, Sweet, Intelligent, spontaneous, good-looking, nice friends, charming, funny, well...Enough about ME! How about you?
☻If I could rearrange the alphabet, Id put U and I together.
☻What is live ? Live is love. Whats love ? Love is kissing. Whats kissing ? Come here and I show you.
☻Love me or leave me. Hey,where is everybody going ?
☻Love is Sweet, Love is sad, but with me in bed Love is the best thing you ever had.
☻You got the style. You got the intelligence and you sure got the body!
☻Are you a mum? I am not a dad! Maybe you could help me with that!
☻If you would see yourself the way I do, you would wish you where as beautiful as you.
☻The moment I first saw you, you warmed my heart, the second time you made little flames and now you make my heart burn like hell !
☻Are you free for the rest of your life?
☻I know milk it does a body good, but DAMN how much have you been drinking?
☻If I could rewrite the alphabet I'd put U and I together!
☻Hello, I'm a thief and I'm here to steal your heart!
☻Your daddy must be a terrorist because you are DA BOMB!
☻Do you believe in love at first sight, or do I have to walk by again?
☻It must have been a rainy day when you were born..Heaven was crying 'cus it
lost its most beautiful angel!
☻I must have been born under a lucky star, to find a friend as nice as you are,
and I will follow the rainbow until the end, if you promis forever to be my friend!
☻If love is a crime, lock me up, i'm guilty baby
☻In my dreams you're mine, in my life you're a dream.
☻Girls are like internet domain names... the ones I like are already taken.
☻God created the world in SIX days But took him centuries... to come up with someone...as "HOT" ... as "SEXY" ... as "Fuckable" ... *..As "YOU!" .. *
☻Just to let you know that I went to heaven and back..
☻Oh right then! Straight to the point! I want you right here, right now!
☻It is deaf and it wants to have sex with you...................... What do you say?
☻Do you know that you would look great with two pounds less ... in my opinion those clothes weigh exactly two pounds !
☻You are just like a Bounty ... a piece of paradise on earth!
☻You're eyes are soft en tender,as sweet as they can be.There's one thing you must remember, you are the one for me!!!
☻There are so many people in the world but in my world there's only one and that's you!!!
☻I want to share everything with you, your sadness, your happy moments, every single second of the day.
☻Do your feet never hurt ???? ... You are wondering around my thoughts all day long....
☻Love is in the air... shit if only I had a plane right now ...
☻When the night comes, look at the sky. If you see a falling star, don't wonder why,just make a wish. Trust me it will come true,'cause I did it and I found you.
☻I do not think much, I do not think often, but when I do think, I think of you
☻I love all the stars in the sky, but they are nothing compared to the ones in your eyes!
☻You can fall from a mountain,you can fall from a tree,but the best way to fall,is to fall in love with me.
☻If flowers were dreams that would last for ever, I would pick the most beautiful ones to send to you
☻Be smart, be clever, put me in your heart, 4-ever.
☻Don't listen to your mind. Listen always to your heart!
☻If one night a big fat man jumps in at your window grabs you and puts you in a sack don't worry I told Santa I wanted you for CHRISTMAS
☻If I had a penny every time I thought of you, I'd still miss you,but at least I would be rich!
☻Passion running trough my veins, trembling, waiting, reason is fading. Overpowering desire sets my skin on fire!
☻Somewhere, someone dreams of your smile and finds your presence in life so worth while. So when you are lonely, remember it's true that someone, somewhere, is thinking of you.
☻Can you see me? no? Turn around, can you see me now? no? Turn again, can you see me now? I can see you because you have a special place in my heart!
☻If I was a fly, I would fly to you now... but I'm not so I need to stay home and cry!
☻Since I met you people are wonders and live is a big party...
☻What ever you say, what ever you do, I will always love you
☻If loving you is wrong,then I don't wanna be right.My love for you is strong and brighter than any light.The way we must go is long,but we'll win every fight.
☻At night I cannot sleep and during the day I dream of you...
☻Life is much brighter with you around !
☻Don't let your mind rule over your heart.
☻You can fall from a mountain,you can fall from a tree ... but the best way is to fall in love with ME
☻If you would see yourself the way I do, you would wish you where as beautiful as you ...
☻Sometimes words are hard to find, to form that perfect line to let you know you're always on my mind!
☻Even when it is rainy the sun is shining in your smile.
☻If a kiss on your lips tastes as sweat as a raindrop I want it to rain for ever .......
☻I will give you one kiss to go to sleep. I give you two kisses to dream. I give you an endless row of kisses to, when you wake up in the morning, think of me.
☻It must have been a rainy day when you were born, but it wasn't really rain, the sky was crying because it lost his most beautifull angel...!
☻The moment I first saw you, you warmed my heart, the second time you made little flames and now you make my heart burn like hell !
☻Where ever you're going, I'm going your way !
☻Are you free for the rest of your life?
☻If all the boys lived on the other side of the sea, what a good swimmer I would be ?
☻During maths I was thinking of you but I cannot calculate how much I love you!!
☻I am sending you to an island full of kisses on a sea of love!
☻Love is...looking whether he is looking, and when he does, certainly not looking back!!
☻Do you have a coin? I want to call your parents to thank them.
☻I wanted to put something incredibly beautiful, sweet, nice, sensitive, erotic and funny on you screen, but unfortunately I do not fit on it.
☻I cannot think of a good opening sentence, so will we just say good-bye ???
☻I know milk it does a body good, but DAMN how much have you been drinking?
☻If I could rewrite the alphabet I'd put U and I together!
☻Hello, I'm a thief and I'm here to steal your heart!
☻Your daddy must be a terrorist 'cus you're DA BOMB!
☻Do you believe in love at first sight, or do I have to walk by again?
☻I must have been born under a lucky star, to find a friend as nice as you are, and I will follow the rainbow until the end, if you promise forever to be my friend!
☻Ferrari's are red, Lambo's are blue... but I am as happy in a mini with you.
☻Every man dreams of a beautiful woman, so do I ... I dream of you.
☻If love is a crime, lock me up, i'm guilty baby
☻If God would have created something more beautiful than you he would have kept it to himself.
☻Can I have your picture, so Santa Claus knows exactly what to give me .
☻In my dreams you're mine, in my life you're a dream.
☻Girls are like internet domain names... the ones I like are already taken.
☻Have you drilled the butterflies in your stomach gedresseerd? I haven't!
☻I saw you at a distance but you never approached, but that what did never happen, never passes!
☻If love is blind, how will she find me ?
☻Never make love in the garden or in the fields...... For love might be blind but your neighbours not!
☻The less you open up to others, the more you will suffer.
☻Whenever I see your smiling face, I have to smile myself, because I like you, you're my friend!!!
☻There is a clown in my heart. Small and very special, he can dance and jump, laugh and sing ... are you sad and crying, you can borrow him.
☻I love the spring mornings, the afternoons in autumn, the winter evenings and the summer nights....but you I love more !
☻I would have answered your letter soonerb but you did not write me one.
☻I think i should tell you what people are saying behind your back.……. Nice Ass!!!!!!!
☻I wish I was a teddy bear, that lay upon your bed, so everytime you cuddled it, you cuddled me instead
☻Luv is a sensation dat is caused by temptation.a boy puts his location in a girls destination.do u get my explanation or do u wanna demonstration?
☻I like your style- I like your class- but most of all i like your arse!
Do you like maths?if so add a bed subtract ur clothes divide your legs and we can multiply!
☻I want triplets You want twins.Lets get in bed and see who wins!
☻Of all the babes ur my selection.please dont giv me a rejection.my teeth are clean for ur
Inspection so giv my mouth a tongue injection!
☻If your right leg was thanksgiving and Your left leg was Christmas could I meet U between the holidays?
SMS Greetings
☻BLINKING STARS
FreNz r 4-evER liKE E starS taT kePt blinkin In E sky. THoUgh we MighT b Far Apart... BUt I noE taT u r Still Near 2 Me WhnEveR I look up... Gd nite N sleep TiTE
☻ TIME TO SLEEP
LyinG oN mY BeD, LoOkiN @ ThE CloCk, I nOe tAt iTs timE 2 zzz. I WonDeR HoW hAv U bEEn todaY... HopE Tat EveryTHinG is FInE.. WiSh u sweeT dReaMz n Sleep TiGhT!
☻ MORNING GREETING
Morning greetings doesn't only mean saying Gd Morning, it has asilent message saying: I remember you when I wake up! Have a nice day!
☻ MORNING GIFT
Receive my simple gift of 'GOOD MORNING' wrapped with sincerity, tied with care and sealed with a prayer to keep u safe and happy all day long! Take Care!
☻ GOOD MORNING
A night hug warms the heart, a night kiss brightens the day, and a good morning to start your day!
☻ NITE HAS END...
Nite has end for another day, morning has come in a special way. May you smile like the sunny rays and leaves your worries at the blue blue bay.
☻ THINGS TO NOTE B4 SLEEPING
ThinGs 2 TaKe NoTe WheN u SleeP: 1st-MiSS Me, 2nd-ThInk oF Me, 3rd-HuG Me, 4th-LoVE mE. TrY 2 SlEEp NoW & ClOSe Ur EyeS. Get PrePaReD 2 DrEaM oF mE! Gd NiTe!
☻ HELLO
The Word 'Hello' means H=How R U? E=Everything all right? L=Like 2 hear 4rm U. L=Love 2 C U soon. O=Obviously, I miss you!
☻: I PRAY 4 YOU
In tis lovely nite, I pray 2 the blue moon 2 protect U thru the nite, the wind 2 blow away ur stress N the twinkle stars 2 guide U the way, sweet dreams Gd Nite
☻ GOOD MORNING
The sun rises into the sky with the warmest smile, he wishes you a good morning, hoping that you have the perfect day. Take care & miss you.
☻ NO MATTER
No matter the sky is black or blue, no matter there's stars or moon, as long as ur heart is true, sweet dreams will always be wif u. Gd Nite!
☻ TIME 4 BED
da starz r out, da moon is up, 1 more HUG, 1 more smile, KISS u once, KISS u twice, now itz time 4 bed. Close ur @@, n sleep tite!
☻ I CARE MOST
I was looking out the windows thinking about the person I care most & the person that came into my mind is U so juz wanna wish u good nite.......
☻ STARS LIGHT
Stars light Stars bright u're the only Star I see tonite. I wish I may. I wish I might be there guarding ur dreams tonite, gd nite sweet dreams
☻ NICE FRIENDS
A day is going to end again. It is nice to have a friend like U making my everyday seems so great. Thank U my good friend lastly gd nite n sweet dreams...
☻ WASH UP
Wash your face and wash your feet! Now itz time 2 fall asleep. Yours eyes are weak N mouth can't speak so hope tis nite shall b nice and sweet. Good Nite.
☻ COLD COLD NITE
On this cold cold nite,in My small small rOOm,i Look At The Brite Brite StArS iN tHe DaRk DaRk sKy & DrEaM of uR sWeet sWeet SmiLe on ur CuTe CuTe FaCe! GdNiTe!
☻ WINDOWS OF SOUL
Tireness draws across the mind making the body fade flexibility n soon windows of soul begin 2 close N enter the dreamland! OYASUMINASAI! Sweet Dreams!
☻SOUL BACK FROM DREAMLAND
Your soul came back from dreamland reunited with a sleeping senseless piece of yourself slowly open ur eyes realise its a brand new day. Good Morning.
☻ DRACULA KISS
As u go 2 bed 2nite, I ordered bats 2 guard u tight. I told some ghosts to dance in white, & 2 make sure u r alryt, i'LL ask dracula 2 kiss ur neck goodnight..
☻ LAZY BONE WAKE UP!
The sun has once brought brightness to earth! lazy bone. it's time 2 wake up gd morning...
☻ AS NITE FALLS
As nite falls upon the land, it is time 2 Zz again. With the moon hangin in the starlit sky, i'm here 2 wish U NiteNite! Sweet dreams, cover blanket tight tight
☻ THE SUN HAD RISED
The sun had rised from the east & birds r singing happily & butterflies R around the flowers. It is time to wake up & give a big yawning & say gd morning to u..
☻ SOMEWHERE OUT THERE
somewhere out there beneath the pale moon light someone thinkin of u somewhere out there where dreams come true... nitenite & sweet dreams 2 u
☻ MASTER OF PUPPETS
Master of puppets is pulling ur strings, twisting ur mind n smashing ur dreams. blinded by me, u can't c a thing when i count to 3 u shall fall asleep 1,2,3,Zzz
Riddle Messages
☻Since light travels faster than sound, isn't that why some people appear bright until you hear them speak?
☻Nok nok.Who's there?....Marie!....Marie who?.....Mariewhowanna....!!
☻The jogger who overslept found himself running late.
☻The more you study. Tthe more you know. The more you know. The more you forget. The more you forget. The less you know. So why study?
☻no men no women no women no love no love no sex no sex no children no children no school no school no homework no homework no problems!
☻Everything in life is relative, ask Einstein.
☻If my right leg was thanksgiving and my left leg was christmas, would you visit me between the holidays?
☻When did I realize I was God? Well, I was praying and suddenly I realized that I was talking to myself.
☻Press any key to continue or any other key to quit.
☻How do frogs die ? They Ker-mit suicide.
☻Sometimes I wake up grumpy. Other times I let her sleep.
☻How women think about sex:At 8 ignore it,Age 18 experience it,Age 28 look 4 it,Age 38 ask 4 it,Age 48 beg 4 it,Age 58 pay 4 it,Age 68 pray it,Age 78 4get it.
☻If all the boys lived on the other side of the sea, what a good swimmer I would be?
☻What kind of children do you get using a yellow condom? ................... NONE! You stupid!
☻Why does a nun never wears a bra ? ............ God supports everything...
☻If a pen is mightier than a sword and a photo more powerful than a thousand words, how dangerous –can a fax be ?
☻What happens when you got scared twice half-dead ?
☻When a schizophrenic threatens to commit suicide are we talking of hostageship?
☻What is the velocity of the darkness?
☻Why do fortune-tellers first ask your name?
☻How do you know when you run out of invisible ink ?
☻When you strangle a smurf, what colour does he get ?
☻Why are there so many Smiths in the phone book? They all have a phone!
☻What happens when the earth turn 30 times faster?...You get your salary every day and all women bleed dead!!!
☻when is a man worth some money??................When he pushes a trolley
☻Why did the statue of liberty have to be a woman?The head had to be hollow to make a restaurant in it!
☻Why is a false eye made of glass?.....To look through.
☻Why does beer contain female hormones ? ... When you drink too much of it, you cannot say anything sensible any more, you start to nag and you are no longer able to drive a car.
☻How is an intelligent woman called? ....................... A transvestite
☻It has 50 teeth and it holds back or stops a terrible monster? ................... My fly!
☻When do you know you are overweight? .... When you are sunbathing on the beach and a Greenpeace-activist tries to roll you back into the sea.
☻Why did God create the man first and only afterwards the woman? .... To give him the chance to enjoy heaven on earth for just a few moments.
☻Why are men like sperm cells? ...... Only one out of a million is useful.
☻Why are men happy when they finish a puzzle in two months time..... Because the box says : 3 till 5 years.
☻Why can a man not be handsome and intelligent at the same time? .... Because he would be a woman then.
☻Why are men like a toothbrush? .... They are useless without handle.
☻Why are men like snails? ..... They have horns, they slobber and they trudge along, and above all, they think the house is theirs.
☻What happens when a man is in the water up till his navel ? ...... That is beyond his comprehension.
☻Why do have so many men a beer gut? ..... Than at least an unemployed dwarf has a roof over his head.
☻The ressemblance of a man and a cup of coffee? ..... They both get on the nerve.
☻What is the difference between a woman and a fridge? a fridge does not moan when there is meat inside
☻It is round and orange and says:"I am an orange, I am an orange"? .................. a mandarin who thinks big
☻What is the difference between a washing machine and a teacher? a washing machine runs on batteries and a teacher gets on the nerves.
☻What is the difference between a battery and a woman? ...... A battery has also a positive side.
☻why do have men bandy legs? ......... all unimportant matters are between brackets.
☻How does a dummy catch a rabbit? ... He sits behind a tree and imitates the sound of a carrot.
☻Why does a stupid blond girl never swim on her belly? ... When she feels something wet she turn on her back.
☻It is white and it stands in the corner? ....... A punished fridge
☻What is ressemblance between a man and a dolphin? They both seem intelligent, but it has not been proven yet!!!
☻Why did God create the man first and only then the woman? ...... Everyone makes a draft first!!!
☻Why do men exist ? Because dildos cannot mow the lawn.
☻Why do women not have a penis ? ......... That comes together with the brains.
☻Why do women have legs ? ...... Otherwise there will be traces of mucus on the kitchen floor.
☻Why the trolleys were invented ? ........ To learn women to walk on their hind legs.
☻What do you do when your mother-in-law is walking in the garden? ...... Shoot again.
☻Why does one do some peanut butter on his condom? ...... That makes him big and strong.
☻Why do the number of traffic accidents with stupid blond girls increase at April 1st? ..... When the traffic light is read they think it is a joke
☻If Adam and Eve were so beautiful, how come that there are so many ugly people ?
☻When a store is open 24 hours a day and 365 days a year, why is there a lock on the door ?
☻When you are not supposed to drive a car when you have been drinking, why do bars have a parking lot ?
☻When swinning is good for the development of our arms and legs, why do fish not have arms and legs ?
☻Blackmail: "When you do not give me the raise I will tell everyone you did give me one."
☻The black box of the plane is indestructible, why do they not make the plane of the same material ?
☻One out of 4 marriages ends in a divorce, what do the other marriages end in ?
☻How does the driver of a gritting vehicle go to work in the morning ?
☻How do you call a woman who looses 90% of her intelligence ??.................................a widow !!!!!
☻Do they have a coffee break at the tea factory ?
☻Does a liar lies when he says he says he is telling a lie ?
☻What do you prefer in the hereafter?...........Smoking or non-smoking area.
☻Where are the first 6 up's ?
☻Why does a kamikaze wear a helmet ?
☻Why does an answering machine never gives an answer when I ask something ?
☻Why do you always find one shoelon the streets ?
☻Why do we call apartements apartements when they are all connected to one another ?
☻Why can you buy sigarettes in a gaz station where it is forbidden to smoke ?
☻Why are you behind a computer, while in fact you are sitting in front of the screen ?
☻why are there life jackets in airplanes and no parachutes ?
☻What do the military do in a civil war ?
☻What is more easy for a man to make, a boy or a girl ? ...........a girl.....there is an example in front of him
☻What do sheep count when they want to sleep ?
☻What does a butterfly feel when he is in love?
☻What whish would stars make when they saw falling people.
☻Who invented milking cows and what did he think when he started doing it ?
Love Quotes
☻I'm scared to fall in love, scared to fall fast, because every time I fall in love... it never seems to last.
☻I'm so sad when you're gone. Come back soon. Miss you!
☻In my dreams and in our love for 1 another there are no impossibilities.
☻Love is like quicksand - the deeper you fall in it the harder it is to get out.
☻You're just my cup of tea.
☻Love is like the truth, sometimes it prevails, sometimes it hurts.
☻Love is not something you feel. It's something you do.
☻Meeting you was fate, becoming your friend was choice, but falling in love with you was completely out of my control.
☻My girlfriend told me, I should be more Affectionate, so i got two Girlfriends.
☻My heart is breaking since you went away
☻My love belongs to you.
☻My love is ever in your service.
☻One good thing about internet dating: you're guaranteed to click with whomever you meet.
☻One word frees us of all the weight and pain of life: that word is love.
☻To feel love gives pleasure to one; to express it gives pleasure to two.
☻To the world you might be one person, but to one person you might be the world
☻True love is like ghosts, which everybody talks about and few have seen.
☻True love never lives happily ever after - true love has no ending.
☻Trust, Love & Keep Moving (Growing)
☻We are, each of us angels with only one wing; and we can only fly by embracing one another.
☻We must love one another or die
☻When you left, I stopped smiling
☻Where ever I go, whatever I do, I carry a little part of you with me right here in the center of me heart.
☻Who cares whether this is a poem or rhyme, I will love you until the end of time...
☻With love and patience, nothing is impossible.
☻You gotta learn to laugh, it's the way to true love.
☻You need Money to call someone Honey.
☻You never lose by loving. You always lose by holding back.
☻You touched my heart and changed my life for the better.
☻You're the icing on my cake. What's that? Chocolate, of course...
☻You're the laughter in my life.
☻You, yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection.
☻Your love's better than a cold beer on a warm day. Almost...OK then, definitely!
☻Your love's better than a home run with the bases loaded.
☻Your love's better than chocolate
☻Love is an ideal thing, marriage a real thing; a confusion of the real with the ideal never goes unpunished. - Goethe.
☻A man falls in love through his eyes, a woman through her ears. - Woodrow Wyatt
☻I like not only to be loved, but to be told that I am loved. - George Elliot
☻LOVE: The irresistable desire to be irresistibly desired. - Mark Twain
☻The first duty of love - is to listen. - Paul Tillich
☻One word frees us of all the weight and pain in life. That word is love. - Sophocles
☻How on earth are you ever going to explain in terms of chemistry and physics so important a biological phenomenon as first love?" - Albert Einstien
☻Life is a flower of which love is the honey. - Victor Hugo .
☻Love is friendship set to music. - E. Joseph Crossmann
☻At the touch of love, everyone becomes a poet. - Plato
☻Love is a great beautifier. - Louisa May Alcott
☻In our life there is a single color, as on an artist`s palette, which provides the meaning of life and art. It is the color of love. - Marc Chagall
☻Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute, and it seems like an hour. Sit with a pretty girl for an hour, and it seems like a minute. THAT'S relativity. - Einstein.
☻I feel something in my heart, it's like a little flame, every time I see you, this flame lights up, this flame is special for you, because I LOVE YOU!
☻Love is being stupid together.
☻Love is not just looking at each other, it's looking in the same direction.
☻Never frown, even when you are sad, because you never know who is falling in love with your smile.
☻No one is too young for love, because love doesn't come from your mind, which knows your age, but from your heart, which knows no age.
☻Love conquers all. - Virgil.
☻It’s hard to find someone whom you truly love, much less to find someone who loves you as much. When the chance comes, don't ever let go.
☻Absence sharpens love, presence strengthens it.
☻All we need is love.
☻Blessed is the season which engages the whole world in a conspiracy of love.
☻Gravitation is not responsible for people falling in love. - Einstien.
☻Love is like pi - natural, irrational, and VERY important.
☻Love is like a butterfly, hold it too tight, it'll crush, hold it too loose, it'll fly
☻Love Is When You Don't Want To Go To Sleep, Because Reality Is Better Than A Dream.
☻Love doesn't make the world go 'round. Love is what makes the ride worthwhile.
☻Love is a gift of one's inner most soul to another so both can be whole
☻Love is also like a coconut which is good while it is fresh, but you have to spit it out when the juice is gone, what's left tastes bitter.
☻People say you only fall in love once, but when I hear your voice I fall in love all over again
☻Talk 2 me when i'm bored, kiss me when i'm sad, hug me when i cry, care 4 me when i die, love me when i'm still alive
☻The best way to love is to love like you have never been hurt
☻The hardest thing you'll ever do is watch the one u love, love someone else.
☻The love we give away is the only love we keep.
☻The prerequisite for making love is to like someone enormously
☻There are times when I fall in love with someone new, but I always seem to find myself back in love with you.
☻There is no remedy for love but to love more.
☻There is nothing more important in life than love.
☻A good love is delicious because you can't get enough too soon.
☻A smile to put you on high... A kiss to set your soul alright...Would it be alright if I spent tonight being loved by you?
☻Age does not protect you from love. But love, to some extent, protects you from age.
☻All I really need is love, but a little chocolate now and then doesn't hurt!
☻Don't forget to love yourself.
☻He has achieved success who has lived well, laughed often, and loved much.
☻I see you in every passing face
☻I'll love you till the cows come home.
☻If love were a movie, you'd be a box office hit!
☻It's a rainy day when you're not around
☻Let love be your greatest aim.
☻Life is the flower for which love is the honey.
☻Love is the delusion that one woman differs from another.
☻Love is the master key which opens the gates of happiness.
☻Love is to think about someone else more times in a day than you think about yourself.
☻Love makes everything lovely.
☻Love makes life so confusing but without love would you want to live?
☻Love teaches even asses to dance.
☻Love without return is like a question without an answer
☻Love your enemies. It really pisses them off!
☻Love: Two minds without a single thought.
☻Lovers, like bees, lead a honey-sweet life.
Jokes Messages
☻When the apple is green and ready to pluck. When a girl is sixteen she's ready to fuck!
☻The 3 wonders of a woman 1*give milk without eating grass 2*get wet without water 3*bleed for a week without going 2 die.
☻No Boys! No Boys, no Sex. No Sex, no Kids. No Kids, no School. No School, no problems! Why Boys??
☻After the party - mum, I am not drunk, I can lay on the flour without holding on.
☻A girl phoned me the other day and said...Come on over, there is nobody home. I went over. Nobody was home.
☻I love you in the mornig, I love you in the evening, but most of all, I love you when you are leaving.
☻No men, no love, No love, no sex, No sex, no childeren, No childeren, no school, No school, no homework, No homework, no problems!
☻NEWS FLASH snow white has been thrown out disneyland. she pulled up her skirt, sat on pinnochios face & shouted lie u bastard, lie, lie!
☻What's the difference between your job and your wife? Your job still sucks after five years!
☻If you want SEX take a boy and RELAX but don't forget DUREX!!!
☻If you think fuck is funny fuck yourself and save the money.
☻When I was a dog, and you were a flower, I walked over you and gave you a shower!!
☻Computers are machines to help you solve problems you wouldn't have if you didn't have a computer.
☻The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.
☻If you have no voice: SCREAM...... If you have no legs: RUN......... If you have no hope: INVENT…
☻When I was a baby, I played with toys. Now I'm a lady and I play with boys!!
☻Man: I would really like to get into your pants. Woman: No thanks. There's already one asshole in there.
☻A man was dying of cancer. His son asked him:dad why do you keepon telling everyone that your dying of AIDS.He replied"So that when i die no 1 will fuck ur mom
☻Kill one you're a murderer, kill 10 you're a serial murderer, kill them all, you're GOD.
☻The first day we met,I wanted you in my bed. Today I know better, so I will write it in my letter. In my bed I've seen so many faces, so I'll fuck you at different places.
☻Text messaging is like a blow-job off an amateur prostitute; short...sweet and always cheap!!!
☻Love your neighbour, but don't get caught.
☻To wake up in the morning and always see the sun no matter the weather, I'm glad the day has begun.
☻I hate it when you leave, but I would like to see you go.
☻When do you know a woman is going to say something interesting ? .... When she starts with "My husband said..."
☻One chicken to an other: are you tokkin' to me?
☻Man says to his wife : Let me take a picture of your breasts, than I can always look at them. Wife : Let me take a picture of you penis, I will have it enlarged.
☻A blond woman picks up a 100. Was it a smart or a stupid blond one? Stupid of course, there are no others
☻What's the difference between blonds and traffic-signs? Some signs say stop.
☻When god created the men he was only kidding
☻Why does a stupid blond woman sneak past the pharmacy? ................. She does not want to wake the sleeping tablets!
☻Dear God, I will keep it brief otherwise they will steal my dinner. AMEN
☻When you harrass a boy, pull his pants down and your skirt up, because you can run faster with your skirt up than he with his pants down.
☻There are three girls in the sixth grade ... A blond a brown and a red. Who has the biggest boops ? ............ The blond because she already reached the age of 20!!!
☻If I'd had a face like yours, I'd sue my parents !
☻How to keep an idiot entertained *press down* ................... .................... How to keep an idiot entertained *press up*
☻Can I have your picture? ......... I save natural disasters
☻Of course... If you want something there is always a way to get there. Unfortunately on my way there are road works.
☻You wanna come to my place for some pizza and sex? No? Why, don't you like pizza?!
☻Why is a woman 20.000 $ worth and a man only 2$? A woman has a milk factory, a mussel farm and a sawmill; a man a sausage, 2 bitterballs and a little pot of mayonnaise
☻Bigamy..............What is the penalty for bigamy? ............... Two mothers-in-law!
☻What does it say on the wrapping of the Morning-after pil??? ......first some screwing before use
☻Farmer seeks woman with tractor. Please add photo of tractor.
☻Do you think I can live for another fourty years? ... Do you drink? ... No! ... Do you smoke? ... No! ... Do you visit the whores? ... No! ....... Why do you want to live another fourty years?
☻Dialogue between 2 undertakers. "Do you have sometimes a dead period?"
☻There are numerous restaurants where you can eat Chinese. But it does not help a bit. There are more every day.
☻Do you believe that getting married on a Friday brings bad luck ? "Of course, why would Friday be an exception?"
☻Can I go to the theatre? Asks a mosquito ot her mother. "yes but be aware, pay attention during the applause."
SMS Poems
BITE OF U
The length & breadth & height of you
total up to quite a view,
but to taste the true delight of you
I'll have to take a bite of you.
UR SMILE
Your smile is a general
my heart a soldier
STARS
If the universe did start with a bang
when God loved and the angels sang
one of the sparks that flew
chased time to become you
DOVE
☻Sweet as a rose bud bright as a star cute as a kitten thats what u are.bundles of joy sunshine and fun you are everything i luv all rolled into 1
☻I have liked many but loved very few.yet no-one has been as sweet as u.I'd stand and wait in the worlds longest queue.just for the pleasure of a moment with u.
☻A special smile a special face.a special someone i cant replace.i luv u i always will.uve filled a space no one can fill!
☻Girl ur clever girl ur smart.girl ur like a work of art.girl ur sexy girl ur fine.d only thing u aint is mine!
☻i luv ur eyes i luv ur smile.i cherish ur ways i adore ur style.Wot can i say?ur 1of a kind & 24/7 ur on my mind!
Double Meaning Messages
☻He took me from a bar. He took me in his car. He took my top off. He puts his lips on mine, but don't worry: I'm a bottle of wine!
☻Ques. What is the difference between a pregnant woman and a light bulb?
Ans. U can unscrew a light bulb.
Marriage Jokes
☻Marriage is not a word. It's a sentence....(a life sentence!).
☻Marriage is a 3-ring circus - engagement ring, wedding ring and Suffering.
☻A happy marriage is a matter of give and take; the husband gives and the wife takes.
☻A woman was telling her friend , "It was I who made my husband a millionaire."
"And what was he before you married him?" asked the friend.
The woman replied, " A multi-millionaire".
☻There was this woman who had an artist paint a portrait of her covered with the most amazingly beautiful and expensive jewels.
Her explanation - "If I die and my husband re-marries, I want his next wife to go crazy looking for the jewels."
☻Getting married is very much like going to a restaurant with friends. You order what you want, and when you see what the other fellow has, you wish you had ordered that.
☻Love is one long sweet dream, and marriage is the alarm clock.
☻Q: Why are husbands like lawn mowers?
A: They're hard to get started, emit foul odors, and don't work half the time!
☻Husband to wife: Why do you keep reading our marriage licence?
Wife to Husband: I'm looking for a loophole
☻The definition of a perfect Wife? - one who helps the husband with the dishes...
☻The Minister noticed the bride was in distress so asked what was wrong. She replied that she was awfully nervous and afraid she would not remember what to do. The Minister told her that she only needed to remember 3 things.
First the aisle, cos that is what you'll be walking down.
Secondly, the alter because that is where you will arrive.
Finally, remember hymn because that is a type of song we will sing during the service.
While the bride was walking in step with the wedding march, family and friends of the groom were horrified to hear her repeating these 3 words
...Aisle, alter hymn (I'll alter him)
☻Men are like chocolate bars.... sweet, smooth, and they usually head right for your hips.
☻A little kid asks his Dad, "Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?"
"No idea," replied the Father, "I'm still paying for it..."
☻There was this lover who said that he would go through hell for her. They got married - now he is going through Hell!!!
☻I've got a good friend who married a Doctor.
One day he told her: "You need to do something to spice up our love-making".
Soon thereafter, he came home and found her in bed with another man who is also an M.D.
"Why?" asked her husband. "You said I needed to do something to spice up our love-making;
I just wanted to get a Second Opinion", she replied...
☻Q: Why do brides wear white?
A: To blend in with everything else in the kitchen.
☻One day a man inserted an 'advert' in the local classifieds: "Wife wanted".
Next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: "You can have mine."
☻What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying? -
Well, it's the same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving
☻Marriage - an institution in which a man loses his Bachelor's Degree and the woman gets her Masters.
☻After a lengthy quarrel, a wife said to her husband, "You know, I was a fool when I married you."
The husband replied: "Yes, dear, but I was in love and didn't notice it."
☻I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury. - Groucho Marx
☻I've sometimes thought of marrying, and then I've thought again. - Noel Coward
☻Behind every great man there is a surprised woman. - Maryon Pearson
☻The most happy marriage I can imagine to myself would be the union of a deaf man to a blind woman. - S. T. Coleridge
☻A man is incomplete until he is married. After that, he is finished. - Zsa Zsa Gabor
☻A good marriage would be between a blind wife and a deaf husband. - Michel de Montaigne
☻Marriage changes passion ... suddenly you're in bed with a relative. - Unknown
☻Love is one long sweet dream, and marriage is the alarm clock.
☻Can you imagine a world without men? No crime and lots of happy, fat women. - Marion Smith
☻There's a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking. It's called marriage. - James Holt McGavran
☻The man who says his wife can't take a joke, forgets that she took him - Oscar Wilde
☻An archaeologist is the best husband a woman can have. The older she gets, the more interested he is in her. - Agatha Christie
☻Marriage is give and take. You'd better give it to her or she'll take it anyway. - Joey Adams
☻A husband's last words should always be 'OK buy it'.
☻They say marriages are made in Heaven. But so is thunder and lightning. - Clint Eastwood
☻There's only one way to have a happy marriage and as soon as I learn what it is I'll get married again. - Clint Eastwood
☻The most dangerous food a man can eat is wedding cake - Unknown.
☻A coward is a hero with a wife, kids, and a mortgage. - Marvin Kitman
☻Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who wants to live in an institution? - Groucho Marx
☻After marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin; they just can't face each other, but still they stay together. - Hemant Joshi
☻A man's wife has more power over him than the state has. - Ralph Waldo Emerson
☻The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret. - Henry Youngman
☻Give a man a free hand and he'll run it all over you. - Mae West
☻The trouble with some woman is that they get all excited about nothing, and then marry him - Cher
☻I never knew what real happiness was until I got married. And by then it was too late. - Max Kauffmann
☻I never married because I have three pets at home that answer the same purpose as a husband. I have a dog that growls every morning, a parrot that swears all afternoon and a cat that comes home late at night. - Marie Corelli
☻I require only three things of a man. He must be handsome, ruthless and stupid. - Dorothy Parker
☻When a man steals your wife there is no better revenge than to let him keep her. - Sacha Guitry
☻Keep your eyes wide open before marriage, and half-shut afterwards. - Benjamin Franklin
☻Many a man owes his success to his first wife and his second wife to his success. - Jim Backus
☻By all means marry; if you get a good wife, you'll be happy. If you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher. - Socrates
☻A husband is what is left of the lover after the nerve is extracted - Helen Rowland
☻Marriage has no guarantees. If that's what you're looking for, go live with a car battery. - Erma Bombeck
☻All tragedies are finished by a death, all comedies by a marriage. - Lord Byron
☻Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays. - Henry Youngman
☻Marriage is an adventure, like going to war. - G. K. Chesterton
☻My wife has a slight impediment in her speech. Every now and then she stops to breathe. - Jimmy Durante
☻I haven't spoken to my wife in years. I didn't want to interrupt her. - Rodney Dangerfield
☻I like to wake up each morning feeling a new man. - Jean Harlow
☻Marriage is like pi - natural, irrational, and very important. - Lisa Hoffman
☻To the bride and groom - may we all be invited to your golden wedding celebrations...
☻To the NewlyWeds: May 'for better or worse' be far better than worse.
☻To the 2 secrets of a long lasting and happy marriage
...Here's to good sense of humor and a short memory!
☻Grooms, once you marry, please remember that when you have a discussion with your future wife, always try to get the last two words in: "Yes dear"
☻You know, the trouble with being the best man at a wedding is that you never get to actually prove it.
☻May the best of your past be the worst of your future
☻Married life has many Ups and Downs...May most of yours be between the sheets!
☻May the joys you share today, be the beginning of a lifetime of great happiness and fulfilment
☻To our wives and lovers...may they never meet!
☻Congratulations on the termination of your isolation and may I express an appreciation of your determination to end the desperation and frustration which has caused you so much consternation in giving you the inspiration to make a combination to bring an accumulation to the population.
☻May you grow old on one pillow.
☻Dear [bride's name],
☻Isn't it quite funny how History repeats itself?
[Bride's Age] years ago your Mother and Father were putting you to bed with a dummy...and now it's happening all over again
☻I've known many,
Liked not a few,
Loved only one,
I toast to you
☻Here's to the bride - may she share everything with her husband...and that includes the housework.
☻To the Bride and Groom - may the roof above you never fall in and may you both never fall out
☻To the Bride and Groom - live life to the fullest and remember, this is the first day of the rest of your life...
☻To my wife...my bride...my joy
☻May your joys be as deep as the Ocean, and your troubles as light as its foam.
☻May we never forget what is worth remembering or remember what is best forgotten.
☻A thing of beauty is a joy forever. Here's to you, my beautiful bride.
☻May our children be blessed with rich parents
☻Here's to my bride: she knows everything about me, yet loves me just the same.
Story Messages
☻Jelly Baby goes 2 the Dr & says "Dr i've got aids" Dr replys "U cant have aids ur a jelly Baby" Jelly Baby says "yes but Dr i've been sleepin wiv ALLSORTS!
☻chicken and egg in bed,chicken has head on pillow smoking.Egg rolls over annoyed saying"i guess we answered that question"
☻A teacher ask"wot part of the body goes to heaven first?"A child replies"feet- coz every nite i c my mum with her feet in the air screamin GOD I'M COMIN!
☻Little Girl:"Mommy I just found out that the little boy next door has a penis like a peanut" Mommy:"u mean its small?"Little Girl:"No its salty"
☻an essex girl has a car crash and an ambulance arrives.the paramedic asks 'how many fingers have i got up?'the girl replies- oh no i think im paralised too.
Flirt Messages
☻Handsome, Sweet, Intelligent, spontaneous, good-looking, nice friends, charming, funny, well...Enough about ME! How about you?
☻If I could rearrange the alphabet, Id put U and I together.
☻What is live ? Live is love. Whats love ? Love is kissing. Whats kissing ? Come here and I show you.
☻Love me or leave me. Hey,where is everybody going ?
☻Love is Sweet, Love is sad, but with me in bed Love is the best thing you ever had.
☻You got the style. You got the intelligence and you sure got the body!
☻Are you a mum? I am not a dad! Maybe you could help me with that!
☻If you would see yourself the way I do, you would wish you where as beautiful as you.
☻The moment I first saw you, you warmed my heart, the second time you made little flames and now you make my heart burn like hell !
☻Are you free for the rest of your life?
☻I know milk it does a body good, but DAMN how much have you been drinking?
☻If I could rewrite the alphabet I'd put U and I together!
☻Hello, I'm a thief and I'm here to steal your heart!
☻Your daddy must be a terrorist because you are DA BOMB!
☻Do you believe in love at first sight, or do I have to walk by again?
☻It must have been a rainy day when you were born..Heaven was crying 'cus it
lost its most beautiful angel!
☻I must have been born under a lucky star, to find a friend as nice as you are,
and I will follow the rainbow until the end, if you promis forever to be my friend!
☻If love is a crime, lock me up, i'm guilty baby
☻In my dreams you're mine, in my life you're a dream.
☻Girls are like internet domain names... the ones I like are already taken.
☻God created the world in SIX days But took him centuries... to come up with someone...as "HOT" ... as "SEXY" ... as "Fuckable" ... *..As "YOU!" .. *
☻Just to let you know that I went to heaven and back..
☻Oh right then! Straight to the point! I want you right here, right now!
☻It is deaf and it wants to have sex with you...................... What do you say?
☻Do you know that you would look great with two pounds less ... in my opinion those clothes weigh exactly two pounds !
☻You are just like a Bounty ... a piece of paradise on earth!
☻You're eyes are soft en tender,as sweet as they can be.There's one thing you must remember, you are the one for me!!!
☻There are so many people in the world but in my world there's only one and that's you!!!
☻I want to share everything with you, your sadness, your happy moments, every single second of the day.
☻Do your feet never hurt ???? ... You are wondering around my thoughts all day long....
☻Love is in the air... shit if only I had a plane right now ...
☻When the night comes, look at the sky. If you see a falling star, don't wonder why,just make a wish. Trust me it will come true,'cause I did it and I found you.
☻I do not think much, I do not think often, but when I do think, I think of you
☻I love all the stars in the sky, but they are nothing compared to the ones in your eyes!
☻You can fall from a mountain,you can fall from a tree,but the best way to fall,is to fall in love with me.
☻If flowers were dreams that would last for ever, I would pick the most beautiful ones to send to you
☻Be smart, be clever, put me in your heart, 4-ever.
☻Don't listen to your mind. Listen always to your heart!
☻If one night a big fat man jumps in at your window grabs you and puts you in a sack don't worry I told Santa I wanted you for CHRISTMAS
☻If I had a penny every time I thought of you, I'd still miss you,but at least I would be rich!
☻Passion running trough my veins, trembling, waiting, reason is fading. Overpowering desire sets my skin on fire!
☻Somewhere, someone dreams of your smile and finds your presence in life so worth while. So when you are lonely, remember it's true that someone, somewhere, is thinking of you.
☻Can you see me? no? Turn around, can you see me now? no? Turn again, can you see me now? I can see you because you have a special place in my heart!
☻If I was a fly, I would fly to you now... but I'm not so I need to stay home and cry!
☻Since I met you people are wonders and live is a big party...
☻What ever you say, what ever you do, I will always love you
☻If loving you is wrong,then I don't wanna be right.My love for you is strong and brighter than any light.The way we must go is long,but we'll win every fight.
☻At night I cannot sleep and during the day I dream of you...
☻Life is much brighter with you around !
☻Don't let your mind rule over your heart.
☻You can fall from a mountain,you can fall from a tree ... but the best way is to fall in love with ME
☻If you would see yourself the way I do, you would wish you where as beautiful as you ...
☻Sometimes words are hard to find, to form that perfect line to let you know you're always on my mind!
☻Even when it is rainy the sun is shining in your smile.
☻If a kiss on your lips tastes as sweat as a raindrop I want it to rain for ever .......
☻I will give you one kiss to go to sleep. I give you two kisses to dream. I give you an endless row of kisses to, when you wake up in the morning, think of me.
☻It must have been a rainy day when you were born, but it wasn't really rain, the sky was crying because it lost his most beautifull angel...!
☻The moment I first saw you, you warmed my heart, the second time you made little flames and now you make my heart burn like hell !
☻Where ever you're going, I'm going your way !
☻Are you free for the rest of your life?
☻If all the boys lived on the other side of the sea, what a good swimmer I would be ?
☻During maths I was thinking of you but I cannot calculate how much I love you!!
☻I am sending you to an island full of kisses on a sea of love!
☻Love is...looking whether he is looking, and when he does, certainly not looking back!!
☻Do you have a coin? I want to call your parents to thank them.
☻I wanted to put something incredibly beautiful, sweet, nice, sensitive, erotic and funny on you screen, but unfortunately I do not fit on it.
☻I cannot think of a good opening sentence, so will we just say good-bye ???
☻I know milk it does a body good, but DAMN how much have you been drinking?
☻If I could rewrite the alphabet I'd put U and I together!
☻Hello, I'm a thief and I'm here to steal your heart!
☻Your daddy must be a terrorist 'cus you're DA BOMB!
☻Do you believe in love at first sight, or do I have to walk by again?
☻I must have been born under a lucky star, to find a friend as nice as you are, and I will follow the rainbow until the end, if you promise forever to be my friend!
☻Ferrari's are red, Lambo's are blue... but I am as happy in a mini with you.
☻Every man dreams of a beautiful woman, so do I ... I dream of you.
☻If love is a crime, lock me up, i'm guilty baby
☻If God would have created something more beautiful than you he would have kept it to himself.
☻Can I have your picture, so Santa Claus knows exactly what to give me .
☻In my dreams you're mine, in my life you're a dream.
☻Girls are like internet domain names... the ones I like are already taken.
☻Have you drilled the butterflies in your stomach gedresseerd? I haven't!
☻I saw you at a distance but you never approached, but that what did never happen, never passes!
☻If love is blind, how will she find me ?
☻Never make love in the garden or in the fields...... For love might be blind but your neighbours not!
☻The less you open up to others, the more you will suffer.
☻Whenever I see your smiling face, I have to smile myself, because I like you, you're my friend!!!
☻There is a clown in my heart. Small and very special, he can dance and jump, laugh and sing ... are you sad and crying, you can borrow him.
☻I love the spring mornings, the afternoons in autumn, the winter evenings and the summer nights....but you I love more !
☻I would have answered your letter soonerb but you did not write me one.
☻I think i should tell you what people are saying behind your back.……. Nice Ass!!!!!!!
☻I wish I was a teddy bear, that lay upon your bed, so everytime you cuddled it, you cuddled me instead
☻Luv is a sensation dat is caused by temptation.a boy puts his location in a girls destination.do u get my explanation or do u wanna demonstration?
☻I like your style- I like your class- but most of all i like your arse!
Do you like maths?if so add a bed subtract ur clothes divide your legs and we can multiply!
☻I want triplets You want twins.Lets get in bed and see who wins!
☻Of all the babes ur my selection.please dont giv me a rejection.my teeth are clean for ur
Inspection so giv my mouth a tongue injection!
☻If your right leg was thanksgiving and Your left leg was Christmas could I meet U between the holidays?
SMS Greetings
☻BLINKING STARS
FreNz r 4-evER liKE E starS taT kePt blinkin In E sky. THoUgh we MighT b Far Apart... BUt I noE taT u r Still Near 2 Me WhnEveR I look up... Gd nite N sleep TiTE
☻ TIME TO SLEEP
LyinG oN mY BeD, LoOkiN @ ThE CloCk, I nOe tAt iTs timE 2 zzz. I WonDeR HoW hAv U bEEn todaY... HopE Tat EveryTHinG is FInE.. WiSh u sweeT dReaMz n Sleep TiGhT!
☻ MORNING GREETING
Morning greetings doesn't only mean saying Gd Morning, it has asilent message saying: I remember you when I wake up! Have a nice day!
☻ MORNING GIFT
Receive my simple gift of 'GOOD MORNING' wrapped with sincerity, tied with care and sealed with a prayer to keep u safe and happy all day long! Take Care!
☻ GOOD MORNING
A night hug warms the heart, a night kiss brightens the day, and a good morning to start your day!
☻ NITE HAS END...
Nite has end for another day, morning has come in a special way. May you smile like the sunny rays and leaves your worries at the blue blue bay.
☻ THINGS TO NOTE B4 SLEEPING
ThinGs 2 TaKe NoTe WheN u SleeP: 1st-MiSS Me, 2nd-ThInk oF Me, 3rd-HuG Me, 4th-LoVE mE. TrY 2 SlEEp NoW & ClOSe Ur EyeS. Get PrePaReD 2 DrEaM oF mE! Gd NiTe!
☻ HELLO
The Word 'Hello' means H=How R U? E=Everything all right? L=Like 2 hear 4rm U. L=Love 2 C U soon. O=Obviously, I miss you!
☻: I PRAY 4 YOU
In tis lovely nite, I pray 2 the blue moon 2 protect U thru the nite, the wind 2 blow away ur stress N the twinkle stars 2 guide U the way, sweet dreams Gd Nite
☻ GOOD MORNING
The sun rises into the sky with the warmest smile, he wishes you a good morning, hoping that you have the perfect day. Take care & miss you.
☻ NO MATTER
No matter the sky is black or blue, no matter there's stars or moon, as long as ur heart is true, sweet dreams will always be wif u. Gd Nite!
☻ TIME 4 BED
da starz r out, da moon is up, 1 more HUG, 1 more smile, KISS u once, KISS u twice, now itz time 4 bed. Close ur @@, n sleep tite!
☻ I CARE MOST
I was looking out the windows thinking about the person I care most & the person that came into my mind is U so juz wanna wish u good nite.......
☻ STARS LIGHT
Stars light Stars bright u're the only Star I see tonite. I wish I may. I wish I might be there guarding ur dreams tonite, gd nite sweet dreams
☻ NICE FRIENDS
A day is going to end again. It is nice to have a friend like U making my everyday seems so great. Thank U my good friend lastly gd nite n sweet dreams...
☻ WASH UP
Wash your face and wash your feet! Now itz time 2 fall asleep. Yours eyes are weak N mouth can't speak so hope tis nite shall b nice and sweet. Good Nite.
☻ COLD COLD NITE
On this cold cold nite,in My small small rOOm,i Look At The Brite Brite StArS iN tHe DaRk DaRk sKy & DrEaM of uR sWeet sWeet SmiLe on ur CuTe CuTe FaCe! GdNiTe!
☻ WINDOWS OF SOUL
Tireness draws across the mind making the body fade flexibility n soon windows of soul begin 2 close N enter the dreamland! OYASUMINASAI! Sweet Dreams!
☻SOUL BACK FROM DREAMLAND
Your soul came back from dreamland reunited with a sleeping senseless piece of yourself slowly open ur eyes realise its a brand new day. Good Morning.
☻ DRACULA KISS
As u go 2 bed 2nite, I ordered bats 2 guard u tight. I told some ghosts to dance in white, & 2 make sure u r alryt, i'LL ask dracula 2 kiss ur neck goodnight..
☻ LAZY BONE WAKE UP!
The sun has once brought brightness to earth! lazy bone. it's time 2 wake up gd morning...
☻ AS NITE FALLS
As nite falls upon the land, it is time 2 Zz again. With the moon hangin in the starlit sky, i'm here 2 wish U NiteNite! Sweet dreams, cover blanket tight tight
☻ THE SUN HAD RISED
The sun had rised from the east & birds r singing happily & butterflies R around the flowers. It is time to wake up & give a big yawning & say gd morning to u..
☻ SOMEWHERE OUT THERE
somewhere out there beneath the pale moon light someone thinkin of u somewhere out there where dreams come true... nitenite & sweet dreams 2 u
☻ MASTER OF PUPPETS
Master of puppets is pulling ur strings, twisting ur mind n smashing ur dreams. blinded by me, u can't c a thing when i count to 3 u shall fall asleep 1,2,3,Zzz
Riddle Messages
☻Since light travels faster than sound, isn't that why some people appear bright until you hear them speak?
☻Nok nok.Who's there?....Marie!....Marie who?.....Mariewhowanna....!!
☻The jogger who overslept found himself running late.
☻The more you study. Tthe more you know. The more you know. The more you forget. The more you forget. The less you know. So why study?
☻no men no women no women no love no love no sex no sex no children no children no school no school no homework no homework no problems!
☻Everything in life is relative, ask Einstein.
☻If my right leg was thanksgiving and my left leg was christmas, would you visit me between the holidays?
☻When did I realize I was God? Well, I was praying and suddenly I realized that I was talking to myself.
☻Press any key to continue or any other key to quit.
☻How do frogs die ? They Ker-mit suicide.
☻Sometimes I wake up grumpy. Other times I let her sleep.
☻How women think about sex:At 8 ignore it,Age 18 experience it,Age 28 look 4 it,Age 38 ask 4 it,Age 48 beg 4 it,Age 58 pay 4 it,Age 68 pray it,Age 78 4get it.
☻If all the boys lived on the other side of the sea, what a good swimmer I would be?
☻What kind of children do you get using a yellow condom? ................... NONE! You stupid!
☻Why does a nun never wears a bra ? ............ God supports everything...
☻If a pen is mightier than a sword and a photo more powerful than a thousand words, how dangerous –can a fax be ?
☻What happens when you got scared twice half-dead ?
☻When a schizophrenic threatens to commit suicide are we talking of hostageship?
☻What is the velocity of the darkness?
☻Why do fortune-tellers first ask your name?
☻How do you know when you run out of invisible ink ?
☻When you strangle a smurf, what colour does he get ?
☻Why are there so many Smiths in the phone book? They all have a phone!
☻What happens when the earth turn 30 times faster?...You get your salary every day and all women bleed dead!!!
☻when is a man worth some money??................When he pushes a trolley
☻Why did the statue of liberty have to be a woman?The head had to be hollow to make a restaurant in it!
☻Why is a false eye made of glass?.....To look through.
☻Why does beer contain female hormones ? ... When you drink too much of it, you cannot say anything sensible any more, you start to nag and you are no longer able to drive a car.
☻How is an intelligent woman called? ....................... A transvestite
☻It has 50 teeth and it holds back or stops a terrible monster? ................... My fly!
☻When do you know you are overweight? .... When you are sunbathing on the beach and a Greenpeace-activist tries to roll you back into the sea.
☻Why did God create the man first and only afterwards the woman? .... To give him the chance to enjoy heaven on earth for just a few moments.
☻Why are men like sperm cells? ...... Only one out of a million is useful.
☻Why are men happy when they finish a puzzle in two months time..... Because the box says : 3 till 5 years.
☻Why can a man not be handsome and intelligent at the same time? .... Because he would be a woman then.
☻Why are men like a toothbrush? .... They are useless without handle.
☻Why are men like snails? ..... They have horns, they slobber and they trudge along, and above all, they think the house is theirs.
☻What happens when a man is in the water up till his navel ? ...... That is beyond his comprehension.
☻Why do have so many men a beer gut? ..... Than at least an unemployed dwarf has a roof over his head.
☻The ressemblance of a man and a cup of coffee? ..... They both get on the nerve.
☻What is the difference between a woman and a fridge? a fridge does not moan when there is meat inside
☻It is round and orange and says:"I am an orange, I am an orange"? .................. a mandarin who thinks big
☻What is the difference between a washing machine and a teacher? a washing machine runs on batteries and a teacher gets on the nerves.
☻What is the difference between a battery and a woman? ...... A battery has also a positive side.
☻why do have men bandy legs? ......... all unimportant matters are between brackets.
☻How does a dummy catch a rabbit? ... He sits behind a tree and imitates the sound of a carrot.
☻Why does a stupid blond girl never swim on her belly? ... When she feels something wet she turn on her back.
☻It is white and it stands in the corner? ....... A punished fridge
☻What is ressemblance between a man and a dolphin? They both seem intelligent, but it has not been proven yet!!!
☻Why did God create the man first and only then the woman? ...... Everyone makes a draft first!!!
☻Why do men exist ? Because dildos cannot mow the lawn.
☻Why do women not have a penis ? ......... That comes together with the brains.
☻Why do women have legs ? ...... Otherwise there will be traces of mucus on the kitchen floor.
☻Why the trolleys were invented ? ........ To learn women to walk on their hind legs.
☻What do you do when your mother-in-law is walking in the garden? ...... Shoot again.
☻Why does one do some peanut butter on his condom? ...... That makes him big and strong.
☻Why do the number of traffic accidents with stupid blond girls increase at April 1st? ..... When the traffic light is read they think it is a joke
☻If Adam and Eve were so beautiful, how come that there are so many ugly people ?
☻When a store is open 24 hours a day and 365 days a year, why is there a lock on the door ?
☻When you are not supposed to drive a car when you have been drinking, why do bars have a parking lot ?
☻When swinning is good for the development of our arms and legs, why do fish not have arms and legs ?
☻Blackmail: "When you do not give me the raise I will tell everyone you did give me one."
☻The black box of the plane is indestructible, why do they not make the plane of the same material ?
☻One out of 4 marriages ends in a divorce, what do the other marriages end in ?
☻How does the driver of a gritting vehicle go to work in the morning ?
☻How do you call a woman who looses 90% of her intelligence ??.................................a widow !!!!!
☻Do they have a coffee break at the tea factory ?
☻Does a liar lies when he says he says he is telling a lie ?
☻What do you prefer in the hereafter?...........Smoking or non-smoking area.
☻Where are the first 6 up's ?
☻Why does a kamikaze wear a helmet ?
☻Why does an answering machine never gives an answer when I ask something ?
☻Why do you always find one shoelon the streets ?
☻Why do we call apartements apartements when they are all connected to one another ?
☻Why can you buy sigarettes in a gaz station where it is forbidden to smoke ?
☻Why are you behind a computer, while in fact you are sitting in front of the screen ?
☻why are there life jackets in airplanes and no parachutes ?
☻What do the military do in a civil war ?
☻What is more easy for a man to make, a boy or a girl ? ...........a girl.....there is an example in front of him
☻What do sheep count when they want to sleep ?
☻What does a butterfly feel when he is in love?
☻What whish would stars make when they saw falling people.
☻Who invented milking cows and what did he think when he started doing it ?
Love Quotes
☻I'm scared to fall in love, scared to fall fast, because every time I fall in love... it never seems to last.
☻I'm so sad when you're gone. Come back soon. Miss you!
☻In my dreams and in our love for 1 another there are no impossibilities.
☻Love is like quicksand - the deeper you fall in it the harder it is to get out.
☻You're just my cup of tea.
☻Love is like the truth, sometimes it prevails, sometimes it hurts.
☻Love is not something you feel. It's something you do.
☻Meeting you was fate, becoming your friend was choice, but falling in love with you was completely out of my control.
☻My girlfriend told me, I should be more Affectionate, so i got two Girlfriends.
☻My heart is breaking since you went away
☻My love belongs to you.
☻My love is ever in your service.
☻One good thing about internet dating: you're guaranteed to click with whomever you meet.
☻One word frees us of all the weight and pain of life: that word is love.
☻To feel love gives pleasure to one; to express it gives pleasure to two.
☻To the world you might be one person, but to one person you might be the world
☻True love is like ghosts, which everybody talks about and few have seen.
☻True love never lives happily ever after - true love has no ending.
☻Trust, Love & Keep Moving (Growing)
☻We are, each of us angels with only one wing; and we can only fly by embracing one another.
☻We must love one another or die
☻When you left, I stopped smiling
☻Where ever I go, whatever I do, I carry a little part of you with me right here in the center of me heart.
☻Who cares whether this is a poem or rhyme, I will love you until the end of time...
☻With love and patience, nothing is impossible.
☻You gotta learn to laugh, it's the way to true love.
☻You need Money to call someone Honey.
☻You never lose by loving. You always lose by holding back.
☻You touched my heart and changed my life for the better.
☻You're the icing on my cake. What's that? Chocolate, of course...
☻You're the laughter in my life.
☻You, yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection.
☻Your love's better than a cold beer on a warm day. Almost...OK then, definitely!
☻Your love's better than a home run with the bases loaded.
☻Your love's better than chocolate
☻Love is an ideal thing, marriage a real thing; a confusion of the real with the ideal never goes unpunished. - Goethe.
☻A man falls in love through his eyes, a woman through her ears. - Woodrow Wyatt
☻I like not only to be loved, but to be told that I am loved. - George Elliot
☻LOVE: The irresistable desire to be irresistibly desired. - Mark Twain
☻The first duty of love - is to listen. - Paul Tillich
☻One word frees us of all the weight and pain in life. That word is love. - Sophocles
☻How on earth are you ever going to explain in terms of chemistry and physics so important a biological phenomenon as first love?" - Albert Einstien
☻Life is a flower of which love is the honey. - Victor Hugo .
☻Love is friendship set to music. - E. Joseph Crossmann
☻At the touch of love, everyone becomes a poet. - Plato
☻Love is a great beautifier. - Louisa May Alcott
☻In our life there is a single color, as on an artist`s palette, which provides the meaning of life and art. It is the color of love. - Marc Chagall
☻Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute, and it seems like an hour. Sit with a pretty girl for an hour, and it seems like a minute. THAT'S relativity. - Einstein.
☻I feel something in my heart, it's like a little flame, every time I see you, this flame lights up, this flame is special for you, because I LOVE YOU!
☻Love is being stupid together.
☻Love is not just looking at each other, it's looking in the same direction.
☻Never frown, even when you are sad, because you never know who is falling in love with your smile.
☻No one is too young for love, because love doesn't come from your mind, which knows your age, but from your heart, which knows no age.
☻Love conquers all. - Virgil.
☻It’s hard to find someone whom you truly love, much less to find someone who loves you as much. When the chance comes, don't ever let go.
☻Absence sharpens love, presence strengthens it.
☻All we need is love.
☻Blessed is the season which engages the whole world in a conspiracy of love.
☻Gravitation is not responsible for people falling in love. - Einstien.
☻Love is like pi - natural, irrational, and VERY important.
☻Love is like a butterfly, hold it too tight, it'll crush, hold it too loose, it'll fly
☻Love Is When You Don't Want To Go To Sleep, Because Reality Is Better Than A Dream.
☻Love doesn't make the world go 'round. Love is what makes the ride worthwhile.
☻Love is a gift of one's inner most soul to another so both can be whole
☻Love is also like a coconut which is good while it is fresh, but you have to spit it out when the juice is gone, what's left tastes bitter.
☻People say you only fall in love once, but when I hear your voice I fall in love all over again
☻Talk 2 me when i'm bored, kiss me when i'm sad, hug me when i cry, care 4 me when i die, love me when i'm still alive
☻The best way to love is to love like you have never been hurt
☻The hardest thing you'll ever do is watch the one u love, love someone else.
☻The love we give away is the only love we keep.
☻The prerequisite for making love is to like someone enormously
☻There are times when I fall in love with someone new, but I always seem to find myself back in love with you.
☻There is no remedy for love but to love more.
☻There is nothing more important in life than love.
☻A good love is delicious because you can't get enough too soon.
☻A smile to put you on high... A kiss to set your soul alright...Would it be alright if I spent tonight being loved by you?
☻Age does not protect you from love. But love, to some extent, protects you from age.
☻All I really need is love, but a little chocolate now and then doesn't hurt!
☻Don't forget to love yourself.
☻He has achieved success who has lived well, laughed often, and loved much.
☻I see you in every passing face
☻I'll love you till the cows come home.
☻If love were a movie, you'd be a box office hit!
☻It's a rainy day when you're not around
☻Let love be your greatest aim.
☻Life is the flower for which love is the honey.
☻Love is the delusion that one woman differs from another.
☻Love is the master key which opens the gates of happiness.
☻Love is to think about someone else more times in a day than you think about yourself.
☻Love makes everything lovely.
☻Love makes life so confusing but without love would you want to live?
☻Love teaches even asses to dance.
☻Love without return is like a question without an answer
☻Love your enemies. It really pisses them off!
☻Love: Two minds without a single thought.
☻Lovers, like bees, lead a honey-sweet life.
Jokes Messages
☻When the apple is green and ready to pluck. When a girl is sixteen she's ready to fuck!
☻The 3 wonders of a woman 1*give milk without eating grass 2*get wet without water 3*bleed for a week without going 2 die.
☻No Boys! No Boys, no Sex. No Sex, no Kids. No Kids, no School. No School, no problems! Why Boys??
☻After the party - mum, I am not drunk, I can lay on the flour without holding on.
☻A girl phoned me the other day and said...Come on over, there is nobody home. I went over. Nobody was home.
☻I love you in the mornig, I love you in the evening, but most of all, I love you when you are leaving.
☻No men, no love, No love, no sex, No sex, no childeren, No childeren, no school, No school, no homework, No homework, no problems!
☻NEWS FLASH snow white has been thrown out disneyland. she pulled up her skirt, sat on pinnochios face & shouted lie u bastard, lie, lie!
☻What's the difference between your job and your wife? Your job still sucks after five years!
☻If you want SEX take a boy and RELAX but don't forget DUREX!!!
☻If you think fuck is funny fuck yourself and save the money.
☻When I was a dog, and you were a flower, I walked over you and gave you a shower!!
☻Computers are machines to help you solve problems you wouldn't have if you didn't have a computer.
☻The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.
☻If you have no voice: SCREAM...... If you have no legs: RUN......... If you have no hope: INVENT…
☻When I was a baby, I played with toys. Now I'm a lady and I play with boys!!
☻Man: I would really like to get into your pants. Woman: No thanks. There's already one asshole in there.
☻A man was dying of cancer. His son asked him:dad why do you keepon telling everyone that your dying of AIDS.He replied"So that when i die no 1 will fuck ur mom
☻Kill one you're a murderer, kill 10 you're a serial murderer, kill them all, you're GOD.
☻The first day we met,I wanted you in my bed. Today I know better, so I will write it in my letter. In my bed I've seen so many faces, so I'll fuck you at different places.
☻Text messaging is like a blow-job off an amateur prostitute; short...sweet and always cheap!!!
☻Love your neighbour, but don't get caught.
☻To wake up in the morning and always see the sun no matter the weather, I'm glad the day has begun.
☻I hate it when you leave, but I would like to see you go.
☻When do you know a woman is going to say something interesting ? .... When she starts with "My husband said..."
☻One chicken to an other: are you tokkin' to me?
☻Man says to his wife : Let me take a picture of your breasts, than I can always look at them. Wife : Let me take a picture of you penis, I will have it enlarged.
☻A blond woman picks up a 100. Was it a smart or a stupid blond one? Stupid of course, there are no others
☻What's the difference between blonds and traffic-signs? Some signs say stop.
☻When god created the men he was only kidding
☻Why does a stupid blond woman sneak past the pharmacy? ................. She does not want to wake the sleeping tablets!
☻Dear God, I will keep it brief otherwise they will steal my dinner. AMEN
☻When you harrass a boy, pull his pants down and your skirt up, because you can run faster with your skirt up than he with his pants down.
☻There are three girls in the sixth grade ... A blond a brown and a red. Who has the biggest boops ? ............ The blond because she already reached the age of 20!!!
☻If I'd had a face like yours, I'd sue my parents !
☻How to keep an idiot entertained *press down* ................... .................... How to keep an idiot entertained *press up*
☻Can I have your picture? ......... I save natural disasters
☻Of course... If you want something there is always a way to get there. Unfortunately on my way there are road works.
☻You wanna come to my place for some pizza and sex? No? Why, don't you like pizza?!
☻Why is a woman 20.000 $ worth and a man only 2$? A woman has a milk factory, a mussel farm and a sawmill; a man a sausage, 2 bitterballs and a little pot of mayonnaise
☻Bigamy..............What is the penalty for bigamy? ............... Two mothers-in-law!
☻What does it say on the wrapping of the Morning-after pil??? ......first some screwing before use
☻Farmer seeks woman with tractor. Please add photo of tractor.
☻Do you think I can live for another fourty years? ... Do you drink? ... No! ... Do you smoke? ... No! ... Do you visit the whores? ... No! ....... Why do you want to live another fourty years?
☻Dialogue between 2 undertakers. "Do you have sometimes a dead period?"
☻There are numerous restaurants where you can eat Chinese. But it does not help a bit. There are more every day.
☻Do you believe that getting married on a Friday brings bad luck ? "Of course, why would Friday be an exception?"
☻Can I go to the theatre? Asks a mosquito ot her mother. "yes but be aware, pay attention during the applause."
SMS Poems
BITE OF U
The length & breadth & height of you
total up to quite a view,
but to taste the true delight of you
I'll have to take a bite of you.
UR SMILE
Your smile is a general
my heart a soldier
STARS
If the universe did start with a bang
when God loved and the angels sang
one of the sparks that flew
chased time to become you
DOVE
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