One Liners 2

☻I get enough exercise just pushing my luck!

☻You are here: X

☻Hickory Dickory Dock, dis bitch woz suckin me c**k, da clock struck 2, i dumped me goo, & dropped her at da end of da block.

☻In Ikea they have a Shelf storage system called Nob - So that's the only shop you can go into and ask the assistant to wheel your Nob to the car cuz it's too heavy.

☻Crime doesn't pay...Does that mean my job is a crime?

☻Jesus loves you...everyone else thinks you're an asshole!

☻Inflexibility is the hallmark of the Tiny Mind.

☻Q: Why did the blond get fired from the banana plantation?
A: Because she threw out all the bent ones.

☻What did the bartender say to the jumper cables when they walked into the bar? Ok u 2, don't start anything.

☻Am I getting smart with you? ....How would you know?

☻Bud, what happen??? tried callin many time, everytime i get operator sayin 'Sorry, The Subscriber U R Calling is having Sex, Please try again later.'

☻Bloke calls work : "Boss, cannae come in tae work. I'm sick"
Boss asks: "How sick are u?"
Bloke: "I'm F****ing my Sis, how sick is that???"

☻Love is a name, Sex is a game. Forget the name and lets play that game!

☻Roses are red, Pickles are green, I like ur legs and all that's between!

☻I like your style, you got sheer class, but babe, my god, I WANT YOUR ASS!

☻Hey, there is Hot-sex, Group-sex, safe-sex, phone-sex, speedy-sex, crazy-sex and for people wid ur face - NO SEX!

☻When an apple is green, it's ready to pluck, When a girl is sixteen she's ready to ..WOOPS...wrong number....

☻U good at math? Well, add a bed, subtract ur cloths, divide ur legs and we can multiply!

☻Yes, this is my pickup. No, I will not help you move.

☻Sorry, I don't date outside my species.

☻Important Message: Conserve your toilet paper - use both sides.

☻I've got the ship, you've got the harbor ... what say we tie up for the night?

☻If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put U and I together.

☻I might be in the basement. I'll go upstairs and check.

☻The secret to success is knowing who to blame for your failures.

☻There are no personal problems which cannot be solved through suitable application of high explosives.

☻Just because you're smart does not mean that the other guy is stupid.

☻You may be recognized soon. Hide.

☻Please, Lord, let me prove that winning the lottery won't spoil me.

☻He who laughs last thinks slowest.

☻Mercedes Benz : A mechanical device that increases sexual arousal in women.

☻I pretend to work here - they pretend to pay me.

☻Is somebody not editing what I'm saying here???

☻Someday, we'll look back on this, laugh nervously and change the subject.

☻If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.

☻You worry too much about your job. Stop it. You are not paid enough to worry.

☻My mom never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch

☻If you haven't got anything nice to say about anybody, come sit next to me

☻Mind intentionally left blank...

☻I don't have an attitude problem. You have a perception problem

☻Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy.

☻Nostalgia ain't what it used to be.

☻If I want your opinion, I'll give it to you.

☻Right now I'm having amnesia and deja vu at the same time - I think I've forgotten this before.

☻If practice makes perfect, and nobody's perfect, why practice?

☻The best way to a man's heart is to saw his breast plate open.

☻It was an accident officer. I was cleaning my fingernails. With ahunting knife. And he ran into me. Backwards. 17 times.

☻Born Free........Taxed to Death.

☻We will now upgrade your brain, please wait...searching...searching...still searching...sorry NO BRAIN found

☻I remind u that the most powerful force in the universe is sms gossip.

☻Just reminding u there is a very fine line between hobby and mental illness.

☻My girlfriend always laughs during sex - no matter what she's reading.

☻Hi - I am a virus and am entering your brain right now...wait, hold on, sorry unable to find brain...leaving now...

☻Note - The key to a good relationship is the key. Give me back the key.

☻What are the three words guaranteed to humiliate men everywhere? 'Hold my purse.'

☻Remember: Don't Insult the Alligator till after you cross the river.

☻Celibacy is not hereditary

☻Familiarity breeds children

☻Life is sexually transmitted

☻We do precision guesswork

☻Born free . . . Taxed to death

☻If it's too loud, you're too old

☻Common sense isn't common

☻Nothing succeeds like excess

☻Do pilots take crash-courses?

☻If it ain't broke, fix it until it is

☻The older I get, the older old is

☻Relax, its only Ones and Zeros

☻A closed mouth gathers no feet

☻Do witches run spell checkers?

☻I don't get even . . . . . I get odder

☻Allow me to introduce my selves

☻A feature is a bug with seniority

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